…the beauty of seeing things through…

So, it’s February. I told everyone I would be updating this and writing about this consecration journey every day. Well, it got boring and dry and frustrating so I stopped writing. But I have a reason to write again. God has encountered me yet again in a NEW way, and I cannot believe that I am so lucky to receive such a revelation of what it means to have faith, and what it means to believe.
I have some new faces in my life as of oh I don’t know a few weeks ago, and I am so challenged and encouraged by each of them in different ways and I am so incredibly honored that the Lord had put it in His plans to connect me with some amazing people!! I really am in awe of how great He is, and it’s only February, and while it’s only February, I feel like the year is going to fly by. I’m already a third into my consecration season and I feel like I’ve just begun. Literally, I feel like I started this journey yesterday. I’m almost apprehensive to think about what April and July and September is going to look like because God has just been BLOWING MY MIND in January alone, and I’m expecting, no demanding, that February be JUST AS GOOD if not BETTER. I want to go deeper in Him.

In my house the theme lately has been faith, we’ve been challenging one another to have faith and to claim victory over our lives and to declare these victories and speak them into existence, and then rejoicing when they come to pass, and even rejoicing when they do not. We’ve been learning about praise being a powerful weapon and how the enemy CANNOT touch you when you praise. AND we’re learning how to fight the battle, and fight it well.

I’ve been given incredible amounts of joy lately. I went through a short period of oppression – and feeling completely under attack, but something broke in me and I’m walking in some mass quantities of joy. And it DOES make a difference when we praise, when we set our minds on things above, when we lift our voices – and open our mouths, and simply say; “Praise the Lord!” It changes the atmosphere, it changes our mindset, it changes our spirits, and turns things around – you may have to say it a few times, or a few hundred times – but if you keep doing it – you will see a difference, I guarantee it.

I’ve set standards in my life that I am not wavering from, or compromising.

It says in His word, a good (or noble) wife, who can find? The key word is FIND. I am NOT suppose to be searching for my husband, I’m suppose to be FOUND. And as far as I’m concerned, being consecrated is having my life hid with Christ in God, so I’m hidden and I’m not coming out until my man comes and finds me. I’m believing the Lord for a man that will be bold enough to come after me, to REALLY come after me, with confidence, boldness and all FAITH in knowing that I am exactly who he wants, and that I was made for him – created to be his help-meet. I know that my purpose in life is to be my husband’s help-meet. It’s my hearts desire, I desire to come along side my husband and help him, serve him, love him well, and take care of my family.

I am fully confident that this is what the Lord wants to do in my life, and in the lives of ALL the women around me. There are some precious valuable treasures that have been hidden in Christ with God that are waiting to be found.

I am that pearl of great prize. It’s true.

I have been so blown away by the Lord and His ways and its only two weeks into the new year. I was just saying earlier tonight how I’ve never really been particularly excited about coming into a new year except this year, and thats a general consensus among the lovers of God in the buffalo area. It seems like we’re just above the radar for something big coming to this area. This is the year that God makes all things new, it’s the year that all things that are seemingly impossible, are made possible. This is the year that it’s never too late.
The Lord has been connecting me to some really amazing and like-minded individuals lately, and it’s been such a joy and such a comfort to meet some amazing Godly men, I feel like my prayers are being answered and I get to see the fruit! Our house has been praying for Godly men to be in the midst of us, and it seems to be happening. I’m meeting men that love Jesus with a passion and devotion that I have not seen in a long time, its refreshing and encouraging because as women, we need men to take their place as leaders, and to be who God has created them to be. So to see a man walking in that, it brings such joy, such peace, and such comfort to my heart.
And I love that these men are FUNNY, they have a sense of humor, they’re safe, they’re gentle, they’re kind. I don’t fear that they will do me harm in any way, shape, or form. And I have such an admiration and respect for each of the men that I have recently been connected to. It’s good, it’s healthy, and it’s FUN. There are not enough men like this in the Church, and I’m gonna keep believing that more will rise above and take their places.
It is a good thing.

The promises of God are yes and amen.
I keep hearing over and over again that this is the year that God’s promises will come to pass, it’s the year of our inheritance, it’s the year He makes all things possible. I believe, I believe, I believe!
I feel so alive! It’s so amazing, I can’t even really describe it. Everything is making sense to me. My spirit is being stirred up within me, my heart is on fire. I feel His presence ALL around me, ALL the time. He’s like RIGHT IN MY FACE. I can’t get away from Him. I’m feeling His heart for other people, for the city. There’s a measure of compassion that the Lord has been releasing into my heart that is causing me to be so sensitive to what the Spirit is saying and doing. My heart is also trembling before God, there’s been a healthy dose of fear instilled in me also, and the fear of the Lord is beginning of wisdom, so I believe the Lord is also going to give me a measure of wisdom. I really with my entire being want to walk in wisdom, I want to be so in tune with the Spirit of God that everything I say and do comes directly from the Father. Jesus was so in tune with the Father and I want to be just like Him. I want to listen to His voice and respond. Fasting has become way more easy, and enjoyable. Everytime I set aside a day or days to fast the Lord has given me so much grace to do it, and has also increased His presence while doing it. I just can’t believe all this is finally happening in me, I feel free, I am finding joy, I am feeling such an overwhelming peace and love within my heart that causes me to laugh and cry and be so thankful because for so long I was walking under such a heavy oppression, under pain, under fear, under sadness, and that is NO LONGER. God is so faithful. Thank you Jesus. I love You.

So its January of 2010, I had to write that out today when I was writing out my rent check and it was weird, but super exciting for me. I guess I should recap on whats happened in the past week since Christmas, cause it’s been quite amazing.
So after Christmas was Joshua Revolution, and it was probably the best 3 days I had the entire year, it’s amazing how the Lord can redeem something in the way that He did. I was able to serve and give and love with all that I had in me and I LOVED it, and I felt like I was thriving and my heart was coming ALIVE in the midst of it all. I helped out in the bookstore, when I was free. I was an altar worker for the evening sessions and then I did a few random jobs for different people. I loved the fact that I was able to help and serve others in their various tasks.

Being an altar worker was also a place where I was thriving and my heart was coming ALIVE. I was able to see what the Lord was doing, hear what He was saying and then pour into the lives of those young ones at the altar. The first night I had a good group of kids in Jacob’s Well and none of them had made a first-time commitment to the Lord, but mostly just renewing their faith, so I just got to speak a lot of truths into them, pray for them, and tell them I love them.
I had a lot of opportunities to just speak a lot of truth into these young ones that I knew when I heard these truths it gave me freedom and I was able to comprehend all the more how God felt about me. The last night of the conference was a late night, and a long altar call, but the Lord was moving and encountering hearts and changing lives and I loved watching it. It was so great.

Something changed in me over those three days, I can’t explain it. It wasn’t like any one moment in time, or any specific encounter with the Lord but by the end of the week I just felt changed. I really have no words to explain what’s going on in my heart, but I feel this tenderness and this sensitivity of the Spirit like never before. I am hearing Him a little more, I’m feeling Him a little more. It’s like everything about who God is and who I am has just heightened. I feel at peace, I am more content with everything God has been doing and saying, and I have more joy. I really can’t explain all the details about what has happened in me, I just know it’s SO GOOD and it’s going to keep going. I fully believe that this is the year that all the things that are impossible will be made possible. God is the God of making the impossible possible, and He’s the God that makes all things new. I’m just so excited to see what happens. I’m going on this fun and exciting adventure this year. It’s a new year, new beginnings, new things, new faces, new adventures, new revelations. Can’t wait. I love it.

So it’s Christmas eve! Christmas has completely taken me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting it at all, and that seems to be the consensus with most people that I have talked to. What was it about this year or this month that made Christmas so surprising? For me, I think my mind has just been on other things and I’ve been so busy with work that Christmas wasn’t a thought. And as you get older you loose that magical feeling about Christmas, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Obviously I don’t believe in Santa Claus, I haven’t believed in him in about 20+ years (that makes me feel really old) And maybe because at church we really haven’t been talking much about the advent season so it hasn’t really reminded me of the coming of our Lord. But I’m able to sit and dwell upon the story of His birth and I think about Mary and how she must have felt. I can’t imagine having an angel come to me in the middle of the night and tell me that I was going to have a baby, let alone the Man who would save people from their sins. And I’m 27, this was a young teenage girl, engaged to a good man. That must have rocked their world. But how blessed was she to carry such a miraculous gift within her. Childbirth in general is such a gift and such a blessing, but to be carrying the Messiah – pretty freakin crazy. So I love reading the story of the birth of Jesus from the book of Luke and how Mary responds to these angels. She doesn’t freak out or deny it. She’s just like; “alright, cool.” and she goes about her life keeping all these things hidden in her heart.
I wish I could be more like Mary, able to hear the word of the Lord and keep it hidden in my heart, not revealing it to men until the appointed time. I feel that when the Lord shares His heart with you, it’s such a treasure, something so beautiful – I would want to treasure it and meditate upon it and ask the Lord for more understanding before I blurted it out to the world around me. So that’s when I say I want to be more like Mary. She has a beautiful heart, and the angels know it because of how they speak with her and respond to her.
For unto us a child is born!