…the beauty of seeing things through…

The revelation of the person of the Lord invokes not only praise from men, but also love. The beginning of love in everyone towards the Lord is a vision of His person.

The Lord wants us to love Him because of who He is, not because we are “called” to do so. He isn’t looking for mechanical obedient obligatory lovers. How romantic and beautiful is that? I mean suppose you are married and your spouse does all these wonderfully romantic things for you, or tells you all these fabulous things but with no passion behind them, then that’s not love. It is the SAME way with Jesus. He doesn’t want our hearts if they are not fully committed to Him. The same goes for me, I don’t want a man’s heart to be mine unless he is ready to fully commit to me, nor would I ever again give my heart to a man that wasn’t ready for it. That’s such a dangerous thing to do. It just sets you up for heartache and much much pain. Pain that I would not want anyone to experience. There is such a vulnerability in loving someone and being loved by them. I think that’s why it makes it so hard for us to be loved by God, we don’t want to be vulnerable in general, it’s bad enough to have to bare yourself to another weak and broken human.

Although we have the desire and willingness to pursue after Jesus, we cannot help but feel a lack of strength for the pursuit. This strength for the pursuit is not a mighty power from the Spirit that is given to us once for all. Rather, the Lord’s own beauty and glory is what draws us. His drawing power is our pursuing power. If the Lord has truly drawn us, it is very easy for us to pursue after Him.

I so much enjoy the idea that we need God to love God. We can’t stir ourselves up and love Him out of our own strength and understanding, we need God to stir up our souls, to awaken our hearts, and to open our eyes. We need Him to draw us to Himself, and then we can run after Him with wholehearted abandonment. I love that idea, that it wasn’t MY idea to give myself to Him, it wasn’t MY idea to consecrate myself to Him. The Lord with His Spirit imparted that revelation to my heart and prompted me to make such a decision. The indwelling spirit within me causes me to run after Jesus.
They said it at the house of prayer time and time again, it takes God to love God and I really never grasped that paradigm. Or maybe I just never paid attention because I was so overwhelmed on so many levels. But now I get it, I understand what that means. It takes God’s drawing power for us to pursue Him. He’s right there with us every step of the way. Oh how He is so taken by our weak attempts to love Him. I am beginning to feel His delight in my own little weak attempts more often and it’s causing my heart to leap within me, over and over again. I have these little encounters randomly throughout the day where my heart just JUMPS because of the goodness of the Lord. He’s really doing such a work in me, and I didn’t believe it for so long. Oh how I long to see the Church as a whole grasp this reality, how it would heal so many people, and set so many people free from bondage.

Do what You love to do Jesus!

So I picked up my watchman nee song of songs book today and started reading while I was waiting in the doctor’s office only for her to tell me I was fine and nothing was wrong (even though the pain in my ear is incredible). I think I have read this first page probably seventeen times and I feel like I have to read it a million times more for this to all sink in. I can’t get past the first three pages because there is just SO MUCH to this book that I want to wrap my mind around.

Tonight after I got home my roommates plus momma geary sat in my room and we worshiped and prayed for about an hour. Yesssssss, it was so sweet and such a fragrant offering to the Lord. I know He was completely undone by our corporate cry for freedom and for the revelation of the LOVE of Christ. Which is one reason why I am reading this book. I’m seeing that in my own life, I would let things go more willingly and with more JOY if I had a real encounter with the Lord about His love for me. I know He loves me. I’ve had encounters here and there, but I want it to be something so substantial that it finally breaks off the bondage that I still find myself in. PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR. If I truly believed I was deeply loved, I wouldn’t have so much fear of the unknown or the what ifs. I would eagerly with joy release those cares into the loving hands of my Father. But I still cling to them from time to time. I have moments of complete freedom but then comes bondage.

The first time a person experiences something, the impression may not be very deep; the second time, the experience may be more advanced and more sure. Yet the second experience may not be as sweet as the first. In the end the experience is the same as that which was encountered at the beginning; the banner is still LOVE.

Above all else His banner over us is LOVE and always has been, and always will be. That’s really all there is to it. The outward lifestyle change comes with the true knowledge and revelation of the LOVE of Christ.

Indeed, His love is better than wine. Of everything that brings us joy, elation, and excitement, the Holy Spirit shows us that nothing can be compared to His love. Of all that entices us under the sun, nothing can be compared to His love. Once we have seen and known His love, is there anything under the sun that can compare with it?

Absolutely not. I believe that if we were to truly know His love, nothing else would be satisfying. The Word mentions that we continually run to “broken cisterns” that never satisfy because we don’t have that revelation of the LOVE that God has for us. We need to have the belief that God LIKES us, that He ENJOYS us, that He sees us JUST AS WE ARE and is still completely undone by our weak attempts to love Him as best we know how, with veiled faces. I want to see Him with unveiled eyes and a heart full of passion. I don’t know what it’s like to be completely in love. I know I have loved someone, and I loved that person well. But I don’t know what it’s like to feel someone madly in love with me. I want to feel that, because I know that’s how God feels about me. I know all these things, but I want them to hit my heart. Because once that happens – it’s all over.

we cannot love a work, and we cannot love a power. We can only love a person, one who has personality.

that is Jesus. I want to love Him unreservedly.

Ephesians 3:16-19

I’ve been having much conversation with my roommates about what it looks like to know God. To REALLY know Him, and to be known by Him. I continued reading that book I mentioned in a previous post and I like what she says here; “To sum it up, in order to enter into this blessed interior life of rest and triumph you have two steps to take. First, entire abandonment, and second, absolute faith. No matter what may be the complications of your peculiar experience, no matter what your difficulties, or your surroundings, or your associations, these two steps definitely taken and unwaveringly persevered in, will certainly bring you out sooner or later into the green pastures and still waters of this higher Christian life. You may be sure of this. And if you will let every other consideration go, and simply devote your attention to these two points, and be very clear and definite about them, your progress will be rapid, and your soul will reach its desired haven far sooner than now you can think possible.”

The last part of that I find to be encouraging because at times I often feel like I’m going to feel the way I feel FOREVER and never move past all the hurt and pain that I am dealing with. I so much desire healing and wholeness and I am beginning to walk it out faithfully, believe that the Lord is calling me higher, and setting me apart for a purpose, and I am seeing that if I just completely abandon myself to Jesus, live I have chosen to do so and then just walk in faith that He is working it all out, I should start to see healing and freedom coming forth in my life.

Well it’s TRUE. I do feel like I have gained some ground in the area of freedom, it seriously is bits at a time, but if you add it all up you get a WHOLE LOT of LOVE from Jesus.

So steph’s been walking around here saying; “I just want people to KNOW Jesus.” and I’ve been walking around saying; “I just want people to LOVE Jesus.” and we decided that to KNOW Him IS to LOVE Him, and to LOVE Him is to KNOW Him. Simple as that. It’s all very simple. Just love Jesus, give Him EVERYTHING. Honestly I know it looks scary but it really is the BEST thing. I’m finding that for myself. I’ve never walked through total abandonment before. It’s scary, and exciting, but I KNOW I really really know deep in my soul that something AMAZING is going to come of it.

So this week has been quite the week! Can you believe Thanksgiving is coming so quickly, and only to follow is Christmas and the new year. I can’t believe the year is almost over. I normally look back over the past year and reflect, but I’ve decided against that this year because I just want to press on and move forward into what God is revealing to me.

Thursday night’s bible study was good, had a lot of good conversation and some sweet time of worship I love worshiping with other people. Let’s love Jesus together! Last night we did the same, although it was just me and Steph it was still sweet.

I love how the Lord continues to reveal Himself to me over and over again, He’s just not stopping! I don’t really know how to explain what’s happening in my heart but I feel like it’s changing and being refined and awakened to LOVE. A real deep genuine love. I keep asking the Lord to reveal the Father heart to me, I want to know the love of the Father as His daughter, His precious one, His prized possession! He is so not ready to give me up. He’s so jealous over my heart it’s ridiculous. I can feel His jealousy over my life and it’s insane. But I love it.

I don’t really want to write anything else.

Now that I have felt Your touch, come and make Your home in me.

So yesterday I didn’t write anything because of my busy busy day. Today was equally busy and I really don’t have time to write what I want to write. There’s a lot going on in my little heart and mind, and it’s good. God is doing exactly what He wants to do, and I am finally letting Him.

Tomorrow is prayer, saturday is rochester, sunday is family time, and then the week begins.

Meditating more on thankfulness as we approach thanksgiving.

Watching the webstream and still being hit with the revelation of the love of Christ. It’s good stuff.

Oh how He loves us.