wow friends, its been far too long

I’m embarrassed that I haven’t written anything since July + I almost feel completely overwhelmed to say much of anything because of how my life has changed since July. I could sit here + try to update everyone month by month what has happened in my life, but I think I’d rather not. Instead I want to inspire you with what God has done in my heart through the past 8 months or so.

It’s been quite an experience walking with the Lord lately. I find myself being stretched in ways I never imagined. But through it, I’m still coming out victorious. My mind is being expanded(is that a word?), my heart is being refined, my vision more clear + my gaze is more steady upon the beauty of the Lord.

In all of this, God keeps showing Himself faithful – every time I ask for something, He gives it to me. Now I don’t mean like I ask for money + boom 50 bucks, or something tangible, I’m talking about as I walk this path with Him + I begin to waver or doubt in my belief, I will ask Him; “Show me Your will Lord!” + I have a dream, I hear a word, I read a scripture verse, I have a divine appointment + I know that I am on the write track.

I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that He is a man that DOES NOT lie, that He is true to His word + He who is promised, is able – more than we could ever ask for or imagine. Those words – I cling to, I know above everything else, above the circumstances + situations I face daily – my God is on my side + He is working it out for my good. It is only a vapor, a momentary affliction, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. 

So I press on toward the goal – the upward calling in Christ Jesus. I know my future is bright, I know I am more than a conqueror, I know I am victorious. I’ve seen the victories in my life to know that I am capable of walking in the FULLNESS of all that I am, because of who HE is in ME. 

Believe that God is always for you, no matter what the situation looks like, what it feels like, or what it sounds like. Cling to that + you will surpass all your own expectations.  

Summer lovin’ had me a blast. . .

WOW I cannot believe that I haven’t written in my blog since May! What the heck! I mean I’ve been busy but I haven’t been THAT busy. . . well here goes. . .

Summer so far. . .

The rest of may was pretty eventful, had some cool God moments, some sweet times alone with Jesus, and some awesome moments hanging out with my friends. . . June was hectic!! So many ministry things happening at once, all the time, everywhere, and I was pulled in every direction, on top of that trying to stay social and connected to people because after all it is summertime, and summertime is funtime. I felt like the Lord was really tugging at my heart that it was time for a much needed “rest” or “vaca” so I took a step back, took a look at myself and made the decision to step away from a lot of what I was involved in so I could rest, and also play! Ministry is important, but if you aren’t balancing it with rest and play, well, you might get a little burnt out and go a lot crazy. So I’m glad that I took heed to His voice, and did what He asked. However, I think I’ve been more social and playing more than just resting. I’m not entirely sure if I am avoiding that place of “rest” because I am not ready to “hear” what He is saying. Yup, that’s probably it. I know myself enough to know when I am avoiding something. hahaha. Oye, I think I need to start getting away into the secret place. I’ve had a few amazing encounters, but I feel as if it is just the tip of the iceberg but I hesitate to “dive in” fully, for some reason. . . so I need to get on that. . .

Let’s see. . .

I’ve been going to the beach a lot and getting super tan, I started my two month boot camp which will end at the end of august which means I will hopefully be a lot more fit at the end of this summer. I am sore every single day, that’s for darn sure. So I guess it means its working.

I am so thankful for all the friends in my life and that I’ve been able to spend so much time with them, especially the women, it’s been good for my heart to be in the midst of community, considering I spent a year outside of it, and a year working my way back to it, and now I’m in the midst of it.

I appreciate the Lord in His sovereignty  I had a defining moment of healing and restoration in June, on the exact date 1 year after my life “fell apart” perfect His leadership is, in every way. Then a few weeks later I was able to share said experience and testimony with my bible study and that was an accomplishment for me, considering I am not a public speaker. . . it’s funny how I will get up in front of people and sing and play my guitar, but not just speak. I actually added two songs to my message to make myself more comfortable and kept my guitar in front of me as a comfort. hahaha.

SO I need to turn July around. . . august I get to go camping at Kingdom Bound with my precious little lamb lauren, she’s “new-again” to me, we reconnected a month ago and I am lovin her. She’s such a sweet girl, and I just want to put her in a box and keep her safe and protected, it’s funny how the Lord will give you certain feelings or inclinations towards individuals. I totally believe I am feeling the Lord’s heart for her, whoa, another revelation I need to write down. . .

So, that’s really it, it’s a good summer, much relaxing, much refreshing, much soul-seeking, much socializing.

Gott a start stealing some time away with Jesus – and He will make it much sweeter.

Love

The bucket list

So I’ve decided it’s time for the long awaited “bucket list.” There have been some things rolling around in my mind that I have been dying to do, and I think if I put out a list I will be more apt to do it. Plus I am hoping some of you out there that read this will help me accomplish some of these if you have the means to do so! Some are simple and can be done rather quickly but i just haven’t done them, some are a little more tough. So, here goes!

The bucket list:
Make my own clothes
Go apple picking
Record a song or two, or three
Hike a high peak
Ride a motorcycle
Learn to ski
Learn to kayak
Go on a missions trip outside of the US
Go back packing
Go to California
Ride a horse
Spend a week volunteering in a homeless shelter
Learn to drive a standard
Run a half-marathon (a marathon is too ambitious!!)
Learn to dance (like really dance, not the white man shuffle)
Paint my apartment (really if I don’t put it on here I won’t do it)
Get a bangin’ body (or at least workout more than what I’m doing now)

I will probably add to this when I get creative!

The Big 3-0

yup, it’s true. I am hittin thirty next week. Being a single woman at the age of 30, one would think that I am on a verge of a nervous breakdown, wondering what will become of me. Will I turn into this old cat (or dog) lady? Will I let myself go, wallow in self pity and ice cream, will I throw myself upon the next available half-decent man, and settle in less than holy matrimony because I’ve been alone for thirty years (minus the few short-lived and unhealthy damaging relationships).

no. not at all.

I rejoice in my birth, and that I have another year to grow wiser, to grow stronger, to grow healthier in my mind, body, and spirit. I look at this year as another opportunity to be all that God has created me to be, another year of life lessons under the belt, another year of missed opportunities, heartache, failures, defeat, but also little victories. I can look back at the last year and rejoice because I know that God is His VERY BEST in mind. I will not settle for medicrity in my life, in my relationships, in my future marriage, in my career, or in my ministry. No, I will become all I can with the time that I have. I am learning to value those around me that are older and wiser, and remind myself that those around me that are younger and less wise could use guidance, patience, and encouragement. I do realize that people do look to me. I often for that about myself, and then something happens where I realize, oh yes, I’m a leader. whoops. Thank God for grace!

So birthday month is coming, I plan on celebrating all month long if it’s possible. I have a lovely group of friends to spend my actual birthday with, out to dinner somewhere fun. I have family birthday because I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I share my birthday with one of the most special women in my life, my mother, obviously. I love that she and I have the same birthday and it’s special to me. So family birthday, and then friend birthday bash – which is still in the works, I have a few different ideas I am tossing around with what I’d like to do for my birthday, I haven’t decided yet but I want it to be BIG and FUN and full of all the people I LOVE and admire.

God has been so faithful to me, I am in constant awe of how He watches out for me, how He gives me all the desires of my heart, how He leads me, guides me, and restores me. I am so thankful for every single person He has put in my life this year. Seriously, every single person. I am so blessed and encouraged and thankful for every single one. New, and old. It’s so amazing how His timing is so so so perfect and He gives us everything with need for life and godliness.
I am my beloveds, and He is mine.

those fleeting moments.

I keep meaning to write in my blog + then events + situations + life just pops up + screams at me; “I AM MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!” So then writing becomes a lesser important task. But here I am, a few minutes to steal away + write until my little heart is content.
So I haven’t written anything since Valentines Day, yikes. I just went back + reread what I wrote for Valentines day + thought to myself; “daaannng, I’m good.” I just love those God-inspired moments where you get this revelation about something + just have to w.r.i.t.e. it all out. I am hoping this moment turns into a God inspired moment, other than the fact that I haven’t written in almost two months, I’m not really sure why I am writing at this moment in time, so Jesus, feel free to show up at any moment.

God has been making Himself very apparent in my life in very clear ways lately, it makes me thankful that I have Someone like Him that I can trust with my heart, especially when I don’t know where my heart may go, or what it feels. Our hearts are tricky little things that can at times be very deceitful. Proverbs tells us to above ALL else, guard our hearts, for out it flows streams of living water. I think that’s a very clear message about how we are to protect our hearts. I just know that as long as my heart is in the palm of His hands, it’s safe + protected. I can truly say that I have watched the Lord take me out of the miry pit + set my feet on solid ground. I have watched Him change ALL of my circumstances + bring beauty into my life + take away ALL of my ashes. I am fully confident in His love for me + that He never leaves me hanging. I am amazed at how He has brought such an awesome community of people around me that I can trust + lean upon + worship with. I am so blessed by every person that I call brother, sister + friend. There are some amazing people in the community of believers around me that I am constantly in awe of + constantly challenged + inspired by. I am so thankful for each + every one of them.

I just started working with the prayer collective (www.prayercollective.com) in march. I love the vision + the end goal for this ministry. It’s totally my heart, it’s the reason I live + breathe. I fully believe God had brought me back to Buffalo back in 2007 for prayer + worship. I believed it with all my heart + I had a lot of ups + downs through this journey since coming back from IHOP-KC but I never stopped believing that He wanted to establish night + day prayer in the city of Buffalo. It makes me so excited to see it finally happening + that I am a part of it. I love the small beginnings, I love that I can lead a two hour set every saturday morning + have the whole sanctuary to myself at times + it doesn’t move me. I know that I was created to worship Jesus + be in the house of prayer + that’s what I’m going to do, regardless of who is there or not there. However, this past saturday I had a number of people in my set + that was also exciting! I fully believe that there’s a shift taking place in this region + people are actually getting hungry to see the deeper things of God, to have an earnest desire to spend time in the secret place for hours + hours if necessary. People are starting to catch on to the idea of prayer + worship in the spirit of the tabernacle of David + that it’s vital and necessary to every aspect of ministry. If you’re going to do ministry on a regular basis, then you’d better be on your face in prayer on a regular basis. The very foundation of any revival started when people got together + prayed. So I’m excited that there’s a little bit of a spark catching on in Buffalo + I feel that the stirring will just continue to grow + grow + we will see some change coming to this region. It’s very exciting!

I cannot wait for the eagles wings conference this weekend, I totally believe God is going to do something HUGE in the body of Christ this weekend + I am expecting to have an encounter with Him myself. I’m believing it, asking for it. Ya know, I just want to worship Jesus + be with Him all the time.

Summer is also very excting as well, I’ll be off work, able to give myself full-time to ministry + watch God show up. I’ll probably add another set into my week at the prayer collective + hopefully get more involved with other ministries. So, I guess that’s it! God is so good to us in our weakest + strongest days. He’s always faithful