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so much to say, and no time to say it.
Our six hour set at UB was quite the success! It was SO NICE to have a room full of people praying and engaging in worship! I loved it, I loved the energy that it gave the atmosphere and us that are used to doing these things with two people in the room, and I didn’t have to sing for all six hours. PTL. I sang on Brad’s set for intercession, then I accompanied Mike on his set, which was AMAZING – then I lead my own devo, which was also AMAZING. My favorite Charlie McGuire showed up just in time to accompany me on the djembe a little, then he pulled out his violin for a few songs and it was FANTASTIC. So all in all, it was a good time. I felt the Lord’s delight over our little group throughout the entire day, and I didn’t leave completely worn out from having to do so much, but rather I left very satisfied, and delighted in.
I am in LOVE with my solitude. I honestly am enjoying being alone so much I know it’s like Jesus to completely throw that out the window once I start to get comfy, which He kind of is because I’ve been thrown into more of a leadership position (I should say thrown, willingly) with FOTB and I’m helping Faith Alive accomplish their goal of having this solemn assembly, so I have to come out of hiding for a short period of time. But then it will make my solitude so much more enjoyable.
Over the weekend, Friday night I lead a worship with the Word set on Psalm 119, which was ok in the way that I had all the cycles planned, the passages, I even had some good language ready for the singers but I totally fell apart halfway through the set. I stumbled through chord progressions, I forgot words to songs. I couldn’t hear my singers, I could barely hear myself. Half way into it my left wrist locks up which makes it difficult to play, and about 3/4 of the way through I loose my voice. Fantastic. I wanted to DIE. It was amazing, how horrible it went. It was hard leading a team in harp and bowl. I’ve lead teams in worship, in church and whatnot. But I’ve never lead a harp and bowl set. I walked off the stage and said NEVER AGAIN. But you know that’s not happening.
Saturday I met with Nick and Rick and a bunch of people for the Jason Upton event and hashed a lot of things out, talked a lot about visions, dreams, ideas, opportunities, etc. It was what it was, all in all it was a good meeting. And now I’m in charge of leading the prayer team (along with Kevin) AND making sure all musicians/artists/speakers/volunteers are well fed and hydrated throughout the event. yesssssss. I don’t mind, actually I enjoy these things. Around this time a year ago I was getting things ready for the Relevant boys for their big event – funny how things are so different only a year later. I look at my life and where I am headed now as to where I thought I was headed a year ago, and its so not matching. But it’s GOOD. Jesus is SO GOOD, and I am SO LOVED by HIM. It’s crazy.
Sunday I spent the day at Kevin and Leah’s with Brad and Melissa and all their little munchkins and we talked about our visions, dreams, and ideas for our little group. We are currently looking into a 501c3 which makes us Incorporated (therefore we would be Friends of the Bridegroom Inc.) We are also talking about starting another weekly meeting that I would take leadership over. It would be cool to do that, to have one night doing a worship with the Word and teaching, and then one night just intercession and lots of small group prayer and whatnot. I would like to see something along those lines happen. God is so going to raise up His house of prayer, and I’m SO going to be on board. I can’t wait to see it happen, I know its going to take years and years, but it will come. It’s in His heart to have a house of prayer established in buffalo, and I know He brought me home from Kansas City to do so. Otherwise I would still be there, sitting in the prayer room, singing my little heart out, and praying for this generation to know the LOVE of Christ.
So that leads me to this Friday where I am speaking at Intervarsity Christian Fellowship @ Fredonia, where I was a student, on intimacy with Jesus. I am pretty stoked, because I’ve been reading song of songs, studying it, praying it, meditating it, singing it, letting it get written on my heart, I’ve gotten some good revelation of Jesus as the bridegroom, and I could totally see myself teaching this paradigm to many many people at various times in my life.
SO yes, GOOD things are coming. I am finding myself wanting more and more of the Lord, wanting to be near Him more. Ideas that I once held dear are starting to look less and less appealing, and Jesus is becoming more beautiful to me, more intriguing, more fascinating. The more I seek Him, the more I AM finding Him, it’s for real. Honestly. The Bible is right in what it says. haha!
It’s good, really good. Oh how I finally feel like ME. I have a lot of freedom, and a lot of joy. I have my moments, but they are happening less often, and less intense. And I am becoming more confident in the LOVE that Jesus has towards me, and how He is so taken by ME, by my very existance, by every little movement I make towards HIM. It’s causing His heart to be UNDONE. I love it. I love Him, I love everything about Him.
I feel like things are finally under control, I have a hold of my emotions, I have a hold on my heart, and my thoughts. The meds my Dr. put me on are completely balancing me out like you wouldn’t believe, and I have had NO side affects WHATSOEVER. This has to be Jesus, for it to work like this, considering there are a bizillion and one side affects that I could possibly have.
But as far as me and Jesus I’m sure offense will rise, like has before, and will again. But I refuse to believe anything other than the Word of God, and what He has spoken over my life. I will not listen to anything else. I don’t want to be offended, I want to be pure and without blame until the day I see His face. I love Him, He loves me. There’s nothing better than this. Honestly. I’m not on some Jesus high, I finally got it.
I am me, I am fantastic, I am honest, I am intense, I am passionate, I am beautiful.
that’s it.
Random Fact #2386
I backed my mom’s minivan into a big yellow moving van in the parking lot behind my school after marching band practice one day, a week after I got my license. Seriously, how did I not see it, it was BIG AND YELLOW.
