Filed under: Blogroll
so a lot in my heart has changed in just a few weeks, I talked about love being messy and all and everything that I have dealt with in my own relational life and how it was worth it. I take it back, well most of it. Because really, I know I’m worth it, but I know that it shouldn’t be that hard. It honestly shouldn’t be that hard. Relationships in general are tricky, and its a intricate dance that two people do, constantly giving and taking. But I know in all types of relationships, if we keep that mind-set of putting the other person first, all the time – if both people do that – then you will have a healthy, whole, loving relationship. And well, that wasn’t happening with me, I know I was doing my part, but everything else was lacking. That really is no one’s fault, all I know is that I am doing what is best for me and my life now. Trusting the Lord with this enitre thing is scary and painful, but I know in the end its the best thing for me to do. I just have to continually remind myself that He is a GOOD God, and He has nothing but the best for me. I know I say this continually, and it’s something that we all need to say continually. I was at bible study last week and the topic that night was about speaking the truth, literally. Speaking out the Word of God is really a powerful thing, I’ve been doing it since that night and I have been finding myself walking in a lot of joy. AND I am realizing that one day is just a setback, it doesn’t mean I am back to where I started, its just a minor setback. I can keep going, I can keep walking in victory and I can keep believing in what God has already promised me. I am choosing not to let my heart get entangled into something God hasn’t given me yet, and I am choosing to listen to the Lord in ALL areas of my life, specifically in my relationships. I’m really not afraid of putting it all out there, and wearing my heart on my sleeve. It used to be a struggle, I used to have a lot of walls up and now I’ve dealt with so much pain and rejection that really I have nothing to loose anymore, so here it is, right here, my heart is right here and I want to learn to love people just as they are, right in their sin because that is how Jesus did it. I am tired of being so damn judgmental and I want a renewing of my mind and I want to see people through His eyes, and learn to love and give of myself in a manner that glorifies God and furthers the Kingdom, because that’s really what its all about.
Dad preached today about God not being fair, and its true. But thank God He isn’t fair, thank God He doesn’t treat us fairly, and doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, if He did, we would all be in a world of trouble. I am so thankful that I have a God that is gracious and forgiving and kind and compassionate.
I just know I am believing in big things, and expecting great things to happen in my life, 2010 is going to be different, and unbelievable. I am expecting God to amaze me in BIG ways.
That’s about it, I think I just rambled a lot.
Oh the ministry I work with is now up on wordpress, and I will be posting in that blog about what its like to live a lifestyle of fasting and prayer in the busy-ness of the world. It’s fotbwny.wordpress.com check it out each week for a new blogpost. I start next week!
Blessings!
Filed under: Blogroll
Seriously blogpress? I haven’t updated in almost 2 months, that may be a record for me. I am currently sitting in the caz cafe drinking an overpriced smoothie so I can use their internet. So what’s been going on in my little world in the past two months? Honestly, not a whole lot! The biggest news is my big brother got hitched a few weekends ago and it was probably the best wedding I have ever been to, mainly because it was my family and yours truly was in the wedding. I have never been in a wedding and I was really apprehensive about it at first but it was so much fun and I love my brother’s wife to death. It’s funny saying that, my brother’s wife. She’s always been sarah as long as I can remember. The day of the wedding I was standing in the parlor of the church in NT where my Dad used to serve and remembering the first time she introduced herself to me and I was such a bitch to her. I completely ignored her and the other girls and walked away from them in mid-conversation. hahahahaha, high school. But I am so blessed to have her in my life, and now my sister! I have a sister! I hope they are enjoying their honeymoon in St. Lucia. I don’t think I could ever afford something like that.
Speaking of honeymoon’s roommate and fiance were given a trip to the bahamas for their honeymoon, what?!?!?! Crazy right? Why is everything so easy for roommate when it comes to relational life and MY relational life is a MESS. All I can say is His ways are NOT are ways, and I’m learning that DAILY with all that I have to deal with. But it’s not a surprise to me, I knew it was going to be this way to some degree, little twists along the way have surprised me, but all in all, after awhile I realized what I was getting into and I have accepted and embraced it, for all it’s worth. AND actually I wouldn’t change a thing. Quite honestly. Love is messy, but it’s worth it.
