…the beauty of seeing things through…

…therefore he will not spare in the day of vengence, he will accept no recompense nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts…

I hate how quickly the enemy sneaks in and screws with your head. Really. I had a really good day up until now.
But I am actively pursuing holiness, and purity. And I cannot settle for ANYTHING less. I refuse, even if my heart is raging within me, my will is not budging this time.

Tonight I was at EHWC for the Deeper worship concert with Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen and Kathryn Scott and I really had some sweet revelations of Jesus throughout the whole night, just little bits here and there. Nothing major, just small little thoughts that I had thought before, but it never hit my heart in such a way where my eyes were opened to who Jesus TRULY is. It was pretty sweet. Plus Brian was talking about a season of his life where he consecrated himself to the Lord – ding ding ding! I am SO glad I am not the only on out there that decides to do such a crazy thing. Also, I was talking to my roommate and she had mentioned that they were speaking about it at the eagles wings conference the night prior. I had every intention of going, but I ended up not going for various reasons and it was better that way. It’s funny how God throws detours in front of us to prevent things from happening. It just proves that He’s already gone before me, and has ordained the path I am currently walking down and all the steps I have and will take. It’s for real.

So God, right now, is my husband. I am committed to Him as if He were the only one for me. I mean He is the only one, but He will be the only one until the right man comes along and asks Him for me. We have made that deal, and I have made that vow. I am actively saying no to all men in my life, and completely shutting every door that may be or has been at one point open. I am surrendering it all to the Lord, and I’ve given Him permission to deal with whomever comes knocking at those doors. It’s really not my problem anymore, and it feels good. I feel less pressure and I feel like there’s less for me to even think about, because for a year I’ve given it up, so why think about it anyway when it’s not even remotely possible? I wrestle a bit with this idea, but in the end, it’s really so very healthy for me. I do feel like I am gaining freedom from it because I am actively, daily, placing this into the hands of the Father and He is constantly reminding me that it’s His deal, not mine.

He is jealous for me