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So yesterday I journeyed the almost 3 hours out to Oswego to visit my two favorite people and their offspring. Their offspring are so stinkin’ cute and so full of life and personality! I love watching my friends interact with their children, especially because I knew them without children, and better yet, I knew them before they knew each other. It’s funny cause she and I were sitting there thinking; wow we’re old. But I still feel stuck in that in between place because I am without a husband and without children. I KNOW my life does NOT begin when I have those factors, but I know that something changes in a woman when that season begins.
I was welcomed home to a house full of streamers and confetti and balloons because we were celebrating Brittney’s birthday with a decade party. I however did not dress up, but I enjoyed seeing everyone in costumes. It seemed as if all the men had consulted one another previously and decided they’d all be greasers from the 50’s because well, that’s the easiest costume to get together! A white t-shirt, jeans, a leather type jacket, and throw a cigarette behind your ear and grease your hair back and you’re good to go!
I’m dealing with the issue of offense today, I just feel very offended for the wrongs that have been done to me and I still want justice and get frustrated when I feel like those that have wronged me have gotten away with it with no consequences. Granted I don’t know if they’ve faced consequences, but it feels like no one is fighting for me, or defending me, and I am feeling very much alone in my offense. I know that God defends me, but I am realizing that His justice looks way different than mine. I’m just not ready to grasp that. I’d rather see pain inflicted. That sounds awful, but I am honest as I’ll ever be right now. I’m hurting in such a way that I’ve never thought possible, and I know that there will be much healing and restoration that will be coming, but being in this place right now is not fun at all. I felt like I was gaining ground and getting freedom, but today I feel as if I am right back where I started. Why does that happen to us? It’s very frustrating.
I wisdom, dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge and discretion.
I need You to come.
Filed under: Blogroll
What a long day.
What a long week.
What a long YEAR.
This is my life.
Today is Proverbs 7, and Solomon is pretty serious about this whole keeping wisdom thing, he goes right into it, what happens when we walk away from wisdom. He says this about the adulteress woman; ” Do not let your hearts turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths for she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men. Her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.”
All I know is I want to know wisdom like the back of my hand. I want wisdom to be written on my heart. I just don’t want to do anything outside the will of God. I have committed my ways to the Lord, and I can’t NOT obey and walk in His way. I feel like each day I’m finding just a little bit more freedom, not a whole lot, but enough to know that something is breaking off of me in the spiritual realm, and if this is a steady continuous thing like I am asking for – by day 365 I believe I will be ENTIRELY new, on so many levels. I believe the Lord as something so big for me that I have to be sifted and refined right now to withstand all that He is going to release to me in the years to come, I mean really I feel like I am old and whatnot, but I’m not I have a LONG journey ahead of me, and He is totally equipping me with the wisdom and knowledge I need to do what I feel He is calling me to. It’s exciting, its all preparation right now.
Today I choose to give my yes to You
