God calls us to lay down our rights – we don’t belong to anyone, or anything except Jesus. He is our King. Mary had known that when the angel of the Lord appeared to her + made known to her what was about to take place. A 13 year old commoner from a little city was chosen to bear the King of Kings. Don’t you ever wonder what Mary was like that made God look down from heaven + see her + say; Yes! This is the girl that will give birth to Jesus, this is the girl that will be the vessel for what needs to take place. Why? What made Mary so special to God? Because she was just a girl – with a willing spirit – full of faith, believing for so much more than what she knew. I wonder if she laid in bed at night longing for more than the life she had been living. I wonder if she looked up at the stars at night + just knew within her spirit that there was more, I wonder what God saw in her heart that made Him want her to be the one that will be talked about for ages to come.

“Blessed is she who believed for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told to her from the Lord.”

After all that was said + done, Mary got it right – she delivers this amazing declaration in Luke – my SOUL magnifies the Lord. She reacted to the entire insane situation exactly how God KNEW she would act + that was why she was favored, that was why she was chosen. Her heart was ready to receive the miracle Jesus. She knew she would have to count the costs, she would lose her reputation, her rights, + even her life. But she also knew that He was the One she was looking for – the One who will save the lost, bind up the broken hearted, + set the captives free. I’m sure she didn’t understand the entirety of this huge thing about to happen, she probably had a ton of questions. I mean how the heck do you raise the Messiah? But she had confidence in God “Because He has done great things for me.”

It’s crazy to think that our faith started with a baby born in a manger to a 13 year old girl who had a heart full of expectancy, reverence + fear. We should always be living like Mary, in a state of expectancy, reverence + fear. Our hearts should always be expecting God to act upon those things He has spoken to us, those things He has promised to us in the deepest parts of our hearts – those things that seem impossible – we should be waiting in hope, expecting God to fulfill all the things that He has spoken to us, all the promises of God are Yes + Amen! God is good, God is great, God is bigger than all our thoughts, our fears, + our emotions + we need to be in reverence of who He is. He will always prove Himself strong, He puts down the mighty from their thrones + exalts the lowly.

God is great + we do not know Him. He came as a baby + died upon a cross, so we could live + love Him for eternity.
Everything He does, He does with mercy + love, He uses the LEAST amount of force + produce the greatest amount of love from His people, He’s a gentlemen, He doesn’t make us to anything, but calls us to Himself + we are responsible to respond to that.

Always be in awe + fear of who God is, if there comes a point where You think You know God, You’ve put Him in a box + given Him no room to move in your own life.

It’s Christmas, wait in hope for the promises of God to be fulfilled.

So, I have to just put this out there – I’ve noticed that no matter how much weight I’ve lost, and how healthy and strong I’ve become (although there is STILL room for improvement at this present time) I still suffer from FGS. This is my definition or explination of FGS, and I imagine 90% of the women reading this blog will relate. . .

You know you are four sizes smaller than your original size, but you still neglect to pick up the medium in that cute cardigan you’ve been eyeing because you just can’t believe that’s the size clothing you wear now.

You look in the mirror, and you still see the 236lb girl (yes, that’s what i weighed at my very heaviest)

You avoid certain stores in the mall because you are convinced they won’t carry your size, even though you are the average size now, no more XXL for you girlfriend, go into charlotte russe and forever 21!!

You’re still intimidated by Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle

You avoid certain patterns of clothing, and bright colors

If you can agree with me on one or more of those, then you suffer from FGS.

But here’s the good news, it’s all in your mind – yes, ladies, it’s ALL IN YOUR MIND, and how do you move past all that? RENEW YOUR MIND, remind yourself of all the hard work it took to get to where you are, remind yourself that you avoided the extra helpings that weren’t necessary, you cut down on your sugars and fried food, you started going to the gym on a regular basis – and remind yourself that all of those things paid off, and you can celebrate those milestones.

Me personally, I need my mind renewed by putting on the mind of Christ, that no matter what my thoughts throw at me on a regular basis, I stand upon the Word of God and what HE says about me, I live by the promises of God, and by the things He has called me to do, it doesn’t matter that I may never be a size 6, but if I can run a 5k without collapsing at the end, I would say I’ve accomplished something.

And these are the things I’m loving about myself lately:

I can pick a pair of jeans off the rack, and know they will fit, and not squeeze yourself into them fit, but fit in the most perfect way possible.

The nonexistent anxiety that usually rises up when I have to go into a dressing room, wondering which items I picked will look right on me, now just about everything I try on looks slammin’

The feeling I get after a good long run, and the fact that I am able to run for miles (yes, that’s plural) without stopping, and I don’t feel like I’m dying.

My feet and hands are getting smaller, it’s true.

the fact that I can start to feel my hip bone

the definition forming in my back (lifting weights really does work)

my curves are more like curves and less like obstacles

I like looking at myself naked, it’s not so frightening

my back doesn’t hurt as much as it used to because I’m not carrying as much weight on my frame

I’m developing some muscle and I jiggle a lot less (but all women have a little bit of that going on no matter what.)

my dilemma on what to wear in the morning is no longer because nothing fits anymore, but because almost everything is TOO big and makes me look sloppy, yes, new clothes will be in order soon.

so women of the world, if you’ve recently achieved a milestone in your health journey – make sure you celebrate it, and those of you that have made drastic lifestyle changes and have had some significant weightloss: renew your mind! Consistently tell yourself that you are not who you were, and you are becoming something much better.

Keep going, keep your eyes on the prize, keep running, keep being fabulous.

The River Conference – Eagles Wings hosted their bi-yearly river conference at lovejoy a few weeks ago, and it was SO STINKIN GOOD. I loved everything about it, the worship, the teachings, the prophetic words, everything was so right on. Julie Meyer from KC-IHOP joined the team for the conference and I was so pumped to see her. Not like I know her personally, but to have a legit IHOPper in Buffalo was a pretty exciting event for me. I introduced myself to her obviously and we chatted about God, prayer, Buffalo, and Kansas City. She’s so little! I never expected her to be so petite, and she’s so nice and full of joy, it was so good talking to her. That whole weekend was such a good time of hearing from the Lord and just learning more about what God is doing in the midst of us.

NYC – yes! I finally travelled out to NYC! Not to be a wannabe hipster tourist like most people, but to go feed the hungry and clothe the naked (not literally, thanks Jesus). Seven of us from Lovejoy piled into the church’s minivan and drove the seven hours on Veteran’s Day, bright and early – got to Manhattan around 2pm, but it took about another hour to get through Manhattan to Queens where the NYC School of Urban Ministry (NYSUM for short) was based. The school was a newly renovated hospital, and I loved it because you could still tell in some ways that it was a hospital. The rooms we stayed in for instance, the doors were GINORMOUS and the handles were up higher – I suppose that was so it was easier to manuver hospital beds in and out of the room. The room had two sets of bunk beds, a tiny little closet that had a toilet inside it, a sink, and the community showers were down the hall. The doors did not lock, so we were told not to bring anything valuable (just to be on the safe side) and we couldn’t keep any food in the rooms (we didn’t want any wildlife visiting us in the middle of the night). The bunk beds were not your typical sturdy wooden beds with a ladder attached, no way jose. They were creaky, ricketty, metal frame bunk beds that looked as if they would collapse at any given moment. Guess who got to sleep on the top?! Good thing I just dropped 30lbs and started weight training because it was quite the process getting myself up to the top of the bunk. First I had to climb on top of the radiator (ouch), shimmy up to the window frame, and hoist myself up onto the bunkbed, and then try to get down in reverse in the morning was just as tricky. Friday we got there with an hour to spare before dinner, after dinner I found a starbucks (OF COURSE) we walked to the closest one in Astoria so I could get my much needed caffeine fix for the rest of the evening, went back to NYSUM and we had a training on the practicalities of ministering to the homeless. Afterward, we had our own worship service (which was off the wall good) and then a snack/potty break, packed the vans, and we were off!! We headed to midtown and stood outside the old Bellvue Hospital, which was now a homeless shelter for around one thousand men and handed out blankets, hygiene kits, sandwiches, and bottled water to anyone that came out of the shelter that was not able to get a bed for the night. We also shared the gospel with anyone that would listen, a few did, and a few shared with us what kind of things they were dealing with. We were able to pray with anyone that was in need. After the shelter we headed to battery park and it just happened that there was a fireworks display over the statue of liberty that night probably in celebration of veterans day, it was AMAZING! We wandered around battery park giving out blankets and coats to any homeless on the benches, and then we headed to washington square park to do the same thing. I was surprised how busy it was as well, but of course it is the city that never sleeps. After we gave away all of our items it was well past midnight, but we had to go see times square! So we drove through it and I was totally in awe of the vastness and brightness of it!!! It was unreal!!! Finally got back to queens around 1am and crashed, only to wake up bright and early at 5:30AM, have breakfast and walk to the subway to head to Alphabet City where The Father’s Heart ministry is based. Arrived there only to be greeted by MORE coffee (JEsus loves me) and muffins, and then we started our day! Had to set up and get the place ready to serve over seven hundred thanksgiving dinners!! It was a real eye opener for myself, a good reminder of how I need to be thankful because of the things I DO have, and not focus on the things I am without. So, needless to say, it was a good day. After we cleaned up we had a few hours of free time – while the smart idea would have been to rest because we still had a long evening ahead and only going on four hours of sleep, but I was in NYC! I wasn’t about to sleep, so I got yet more coffee and wandered around Queens all afternoon. Had dinner, got some more training, had another service, and then we were off. . . went to the old bellvue hospital again and a drop off center. While we were at the drop off center I connected with a young man and talked with him about life and about God, he said he believed he was going to go to heaven when he died and he knew Jesus so I just encouraged him in the Lord and then prayed with him. It definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone to talk to strangers about my faith, but it was good, it was stretching, and it needed to happen. After all that we went back to Times Square because we were with another group that hadn’t seen it yet, and we were able to wander around a little bit, finally got home a little after midnight this time and went to bed. Got up a little bit later on Sunday, had some breakfast and did a little sightseeing, actually we just spent the morning at the WTC memorial and then we went to Chinatown and then we started back to Buffalo. Overall it was a good experience for me, I really am hoping to go back again and do the compassion ministry another weekend in March and then maybe take a week or two in the summer and spend time doing ministry out there. I really loved it, I love doing ministry. I totally feel as if I could do ministry full-time as a career, I just don’t know what that would look like exactly. But God knows, and He’ll order my steps, as long as I am faithful with the little He gives me, He’ll give me more, and show me more.

So that’s it for my adventures lately. . . oh and the Lord provided EVERYTHING I needed financially for the weekend away, I was so blessed by that. I didn’t have to stress out about money at all.

I want to take more adventures with the Lord, where next Jesus?

I have been learning a lot about myself through the journey, and the Lord has really been speaking to me through the whole entire process, but the process ain’t over!! Now that I have shed a considerable amount of weight, I have determined myself to be a runner, that’s right folks, this girl runs. I’ve JUST started running, slowly I might add. I run a 14 minute mile right now, I typically walk a 17 minute mile, so getting it to 14 minutes, and running two and a half miles without stopping in the first week – I think it’s pretty amazing. My goal is to run 5 miles in roughly 12 minutes (per mile that is), so that means consistency in my running schedule, and building up stamina and speed. I’ve been finding a lot of articles on the interwebs about running and the positive affects it has on your body and health, because for a long time I was always like, walking is better for you blah blah blah. But there is something about running that is seriously spiritual. You push your body to the limits, and think you can’t go any further, but you keep going. Paul tells us to run the race, not walk! We are called as a body to finish well, to finish strong, and to basically just that – finish. Now do you see finish lines at the end of a walking race? Is there ever such thing as a walking race? I don’t think you could even have a walking race because people would just end up running to win! Think about it, you tell people to walk, and at the end of the race they win a prize, the desire for that prize is going to grow and grow and grow and we’d start walking faster, and faster, until someone breaks out into a run – so running I have decided is biblical.

Through my running, and my weightloss journey the Lord has been teaching me a lot about self discipline. I started walking regularly back in June after a significant life-altering moment. I walked every day, for four miles. I walked, I prayed, I got angry with God. I begged, I reasoned, and I listened as I took these walks every single day. In those times, God spoke to me the most I believe He’s ever spoken to me in my entire walk. Possibly because I had not been walking with Him for about almost a year previously, that when I finally turned to Him, He had a lot to tell me. It’s like we had to catch up a whole years worth of conversation in a matter of weeks. Walking every day during the summer coupled with not eating or eating healthier caused me to drop about 26lbs in about two months. . . crazy.
After the initial weight loss the last 5lbs were about as stubborn as I can be, most times. Also with work starting, with working 12 hour days, with not having time to exercise, with other committments coming up so I just found it difficult to make time to exercise, but now I’ve gotten myself into a routine and I LOVE IT. I am a creature of habit, and I thrive on routine. I’ve realized how important it is to have self discipline and routine, it’s essential for every day living, otherwise your days become aimless, and you waste sooooo much time. I literally can tell you what I do just about every hour of my day, and I think that’s a GOOD thing. We are suppose to be wise with our time, we’re suppose to be people with a vision and purpose. There is so much more to life than we can imagine!!!!

Jesus is everything we need for life and godliness.